Tuesday, February 15, 2011


                     In my quest for personal growth I've had to take a long hard look at myself. I know that I am flawed, we all are. But the flaws I possess really bother me and I am working on changing them. One of my flaws is that my brain to mouth filter is on the fritz. I get many many many phone calls with complaints about one thing or another and I usually say what's on my mind. I have to literally bite my tongue sometimes. My self righteousness has gotten out of control. While I do believe I give great advice, I admit I'm not always cordial about it. I have to learn to stop worrying about whether or not my advice was taken. Would I take advice from someone as abrupt as me?
                  Another one I have got to stop completely is my gossiping. I talk about other people's lives more than I do my own. In fact, there are times when I actually start a conversation, "Hey! Wanna hear some gossip?" Ugh, it's disgusting and I'm ashamed to even type that. How can I complain about other people doing something I despise when I do it myself? I know that I avoid talking about myself by gossiping and criticizing others and there's a reason for that. Sometimes when I've had to vent about an issue that's bothering me I had been told by more than one friend about how easy I've got it. I admit, my life is not that hard, but by no means is it easy. And my problems are very real to me, and I'd like to be able to vent like anyone else. The problem is that my friends and relatives have a hard time relating to me. It's not their fault or mine, it's just the way it is. Thank God they love me. I always say, it's a miracle I have any friends at all.
                  Today's entry is not about beating myself up, but rather facing my flaws head on. Earlier today a friend was complaining about the same thing for the millionth time, and when I had no snarky comment she asked "Are you there?" I said, "Yes I'm still here...this is what listening sounds like". I was quite proud of myself for not pointing out that she's making bad relationship choices, which I've told her 999,999 times before. So what's the point of hurting her feelings? She knows what my opinion is. It surprised her that I had no comment besides, "I hope it all works out hon." and she finally found something else to talk about. It felt good being a friend that listens instead of lectures. Especially since I have only recently begun to take my own advice I'm saving all the lectures for myself.
                  I know that I will always be flawed in one way or another, but these two big ones can go. I can be opinionated without being obnoxious. I can have a chat with a girlfriend without talking about someone else. I can control my mouth and stop trying to fix someone else's life knowing that I have to work on my own. If I make these changes I know that not only will I be a better friend, but the friends that by some miracle I have now, will be friends for life.

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