Monday, January 31, 2011


                    I came across a website that shows snaps taken of random freaks at Wal-Mart. After I finished drying my eyes from the tear jerking laughter, I realized that many of the people featured on the site resembled many of the people I pass by at my local WM. I have seen many large people wearing way too small clothing letting it all hang out. I have seen the outdated mullets that never should have been in style to begin with. Let's face it, the only men that could pull off a mullet are 1)Patrick Swayze and 2) Kurt Russell. Unless you are Kurt Russell (May PS rest in peace) go get a haircut NOW! And in my personal opinion, no woman can pull off a mullet, I really wish these ladies would stop trying. I admit I have also been witness to camel toe, nipple flash, talon/claw nails, neon hair, clothes with so many holes in them they are more like holes waiting in a long winding line being separated only by cloth strips.
                    When I have to run to the store, I make sure to wash my face, make a pony tail, and put on a clean shirt. If I am wearing make up I wash that off because I don't want to appear overdressed for the occasion. That whole "no shirt no shoes no service" spiel is evidently not in effect at Wal-Mart as I have seen many farmer tanned little-uns running around barefoot, and the parents too! Another one I hate is the woman that thinks she can pull off running to the store in her PJs. Not cool! I don't care how youthful you look, unless you are young enough to wear footie pajamas, change your clothes! You are not cute anymore, now you're just sad and weird. When I was a teen pajamas were for bed time not grocery shopping, and chanclas (flip flops) are NOT shoes! Especially in the winter.
                   My neighbor and I once talked about the people we come across in WM and we had noticed that there was not one person we could relate to in there. If I feel overdressed wearing a little makeup she must feel like a prom queen at a monster truck rally since she's usually in work attire. And I admit of the two of us, I am more plain as I do not usually wear makeup and have a limited wardrobe. But I am a neat person that will not leave the house without taking a shower and putting on some clean clothing. You know, basic hygiene, life lessons that apparently have not been taught in my area since the introduction of Westernized civilization.
                    To avoid the swarm of "Git R Done" tee shirt wearing mullet heads I usually go shopping late at night or early in the morning. If I must shop during the weekend, I prefer to go to Publix. The higher prices are worth the atmosphere alone. It's so nice to go into a store and see people more like you, people that bathe daily and know that pantyhose are not leggings and therefore cannot be worn alone (Yes, I've seen that too). I suppose I could complain to management but chances are he/she won't really care as the mullet heads are their biggest consumers. I can't blame them though, I shop there for the rock bottom prices on many items including groceries. But at what cost?
                      I've never been good at conformity, and in the town I live in, I am very grateful for this characteristic. I absolutely refuse to take even less pride in my appearance (Lord! There would be nothing left!) just so I can fit in. I do wish it wouldn't be bad etiquette to point out some of these peoples fashion faux pas though. I can only imagine,  "Excuse me ma'am, but I do believe your buttocks is hanging out of your daisy dukes" then to my surprise the "ma'am" would turn out to be a dude. Yes, I've seen that too.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


                        This morning I marched into the bathroom, head held high, looked in the mirror and said, "Hi my name is..." and before I could say "Slim Shady" I let out the biggest sneeze and was blindly groping for a tissue to clean up the brain matter that exploded out of my face. Disgusting I know. But it really happened. And I have been bed ridden ever since. None of my sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so I can procrastinate medicines are working. All they do is put me in a semi conscious state. Not bad if wanted to trip all day, but I had plans! The universe has a quirky sense of humor.
                        The sudden interruption to my immune system is a gift from my little boy that I've been nursing back to health since Thursday. Now I know why he was so miserable, this sucks! I am suffering now because I refuse to take my medicine and go into another coma like state until I type in today's entry. Score one for me against the universe! My little guy is still coughing and sneezing, but no fever, so he should be in the pink by Tuesday, and going by his time, I think I should be back to normal by Friday.
                       I am disappointed that I was not able to introduce myself to the manager today. But giving my potential employer the flu is not the impression I want to make, and boy oh boy would that make one. I hope I have a speedy recovery since my immune system if fairly strong and I have been eating immunity supporting vitamins like M&Ms. With all the vitamins I'm taking I could fight off malaria and TB. This flu had better be gone no later than Thursday. If I have to, I will sign up for dialysis.
                       The upside to being sick is I have a reason to lay in bed all day and do nothing. The downside? Well, the downside to being sick is that I'm the kind of person that likes to be lazy on my own accord. I don't like being confined to bed, and I certainly don't like sleeping all day. Why is it that I want to be active when I'm sick, but when I'm fine, I don't want to do anything? When I'm fine, I procrastinate and find reasons not to do things. Now that I've fallen ill (I love saying it like that) I want to get out and seize the day. What the hell is that about anyway?
                     When I'm sick I want to get a job, go to school, go skiing, go sky diving, and run for president. I think I need to have a low grade fever all the time so I can do something with myself while all my family and friends say, "Wow, she did all that while she's sick. She's amazing!" Maybe I'll go to the communicable diseases ward at the hospital, contract pneumonia, and get that presidency!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Job

                         I did it! I applied to a PT job. It's a cashier job at a cosmetics retailer, it may not be a major career path but it would give me a great discount. If I get the job I'll have to try real hard not to spend an entire paycheck before it's earned. I REALLY want this job. The hours would be few and the pay would be modest, but the chance to interact with other adults would be great. And did I mention I'd get a discount? I'd work for the mascara alone.
                        I was going to go in today and introduce myself to the manager so she could put a face with the name on the online application. But then I chickened out. I realized I was afraid to talk to someone about a job that I'm over qualified for. What the??? Too many times over the last few years I have gone to apply for work, only to be told very abruptly to "Go online!" So online I'd go, and then nothing. So, I asked a few people exactly how they scored the ever elusive bagging job at the grocery store, they'd all said the same thing, "Go online! Then come in and introduce yourself." So that's exactly what I decided to do this time, only this time, I was discouraged before even trying. Why you ask? Well it's simple really, I am quite terrified that if I try to be a good candidate for the job and get my hopes up only to not get the job it would crush me. It would crush me because it would say to me, "You aren't even worth minimum wage". And the idea of losing it over something I wouldn't want to do for the rest of my life seems like a waste of effort. I want to save that emotional roller coaster and blow to my self esteem for when I'm rejected by a sorority at the community college I'll no doubt go to in my 40's.
                       My girlfriend and I spoke about my fears today when she confronted me about chickening out. She knows me too well. She helped me to realize that not only am I an excellent candidate, but that rejection wouldn't kill me. My friend and I talked about the 8 year gap on my resume and she reminded me that I may have not been employed in all these years, but I have been quite busy. She pointed out that I can use my experiences in life as examples in an interview and as tools for the job. After talking with her I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time in a long time, I made a face. I put my chin up, my shoulders back (checked out my boobs) and tried my best to look positive and assertive. I admit that I looked more like a cougar on the prowl, but hey, those ladies have some cojones. I told myself, "You can do this." And for the first time in a long time I believed it.  
                     The good news is that without fail, I'm going tomorrow to present my resume and really sell myself. I'm going to do my hair, put on some makeup, spritz some SJP Lovely on my wrists, and put on my happy face. With any luck the manager won't be there and I can go shopping. I'm just kidding, although I am running low on mascara.

Friday, January 28, 2011

What's in a Name

                        One day I was doodling because I was bored. After running out of ways to make a stick figure look naughty, I started practicing my penmanship. This is something I do when I'm REALLY bored. And I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I practice my penmanship at least once a week. Anyway, when I ran through my ABC's and 123's I started writing my name. Without thinking I wrote down my maiden name, a name that I haven't used or seen in years. Was this a Freudian slip of the hand? And why did it bother me to see it?
                       I think one of the reasons I was a little disturbed at this subconscious action is that seeing my maiden name reminded me of who I was in maiden form. I was full of life and smiles, I was determined and a go getter, I was then almost everything that I am not now. What had changed? I know that I didn't morph into some pathetic creature the moment I changed my name. Besides, my name changed only 6 years ago. I know you're thinking, "wait a minute, you said you were married for 11 years". You're right! I have been married for 11 years, but I didn't change my name until I was sure I was in it for the long haul. What can I say, I like to be certain of my decisions, even if it takes me a few years and a few kids to make a firm choice.
                       Now, back to this name business. I stared at what I wrote for a good twenty minutes and just thought and thought of the young lady that held that name. Where the hell did she go anyway? I've been looking for her for at least the last two years. And who left whom? Did the lively girl just run off the moment I said "I do" or did the wife and mother forsake her inner girl? All I do know is it's time we get reacquainted.
                      How does one "find" herself? I suppose I could leave clues around the house, get drunk and play a lonely creepy game of hide and seek. Or, I could change my name back. Or, I could simply quit whining and start getting back on track with my plans and personal goals in life. I dunno, I kind of like all 3 ideas, especially the drunken game of hide and seek. I might end up in the nut house for that one when I explain that I got drunk trying to find myself, but hey, at least in a nut house I would have my own room, and that's something I haven't had since I was a single maiden.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


                           December 21, 2012 is a buzz topic and has been for the last couple of years. Will the world really come to an end? I'll admit I haven't given it much thought. My brother used to always tell me, "If ignorance is bliss you must be the happiest person in the world". I suppose he was right about that one. I don't really worry about the world ending because if it ends, I'll be dead and won't really care.
                           The blockbuster hit 2012 starring John Cusack is not what has people talking, but the Mayan Calendar that brings a close to the 5,000 + year cycle. There is more than one Mayan calendar, and although incredibly accurate, the Mayan Long Count Calendar is the only one that points to December 21, 2012 as the end of The Great Cycle. What many don't know is that according to Mayan calendars, the earth has gone through 3 Great Cycles. Why is 2012 different then if we've already made it through 3? What has some concerned is that this is the only Great Cycle that "ends" on winter solstice. Not only that, but on that very night, Earth and the sun will align with the center of The Milky Way galaxy, this has not happened for over 20,000 years. What will happen with this galactic alignment? Not even the greatest scientists know. There is much speculation over the events to follow. Everything from great natural disasters to the coming of Christ has been predicted by apocalyptic and religious fanatics. I think the only fanatical group that isn't afraid are the Scientologists that are eagerly awaiting the return of the mother ship.
                             Every generation thinks the end is near, and that's because every generation destroys the earth more than the last. The only difference now is that we have a calendar that has been an excellent predictor of what's to come. The Mayan calendars have predicted natural disasters and assassinations of political leaders and wars. So why would the end of the world be the only thing the Mayans got wrong? I don't necessarily think they got it wrong. I think we're reading too much into the hype. We have books and documentaries and movies telling us that the world is ending and how to survive it. Um, how exactly does one survive the end of the world anyway? Doesn't the end of the world mean there would be nothing to survive? Wal-Mart doesn't have enough milk, bread, and batteries to survive an apocalypse. According to the Mayan calendar, the end of a Great Cycle is a cause for celebration since it's a rare occurrence. So stop building a fallout shelter and start planning a party. Even if it is the end of the world wouldn't you rather be living it up instead of shaking in your knickers underground? 
                           The big question is, "Will this be the end of the world?" And as smart as I like to think I am, I haven't got a clue. Lord knows we've had natural disasters big enough to shake even the greatest of skeptics. We've had sink holes swallow up entire neighborhoods, earth quakes that brought down entire countries, and let's not forget global warming. If the universe doesn't take the world down, humans most definitely will. I just don't think it will happen on December 21, 2012. It's too close to Christmas, and that would be a major buzz kill. 

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


                 I was laying down about to take a nap but then I decided to get up and be productive. Not by doing housework (don't be silly) but by typing up today's entry. Today I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps about not working. You see, I'd love to rejoin the work force. Hell, at this point I'd join the Air Force if it meant I didn't have to ask, "Do you want fries with that?" and still earn a paycheck. I know that I make contributions to the home by way of labor but I'd love to receive a few dollars at the end of the week to show something for all the hours I put in.
                   I was supposed to start working a few years ago, and then something came up. A new baby. So, I decided to put off work for another year or so and then start back. Then something else came up, Autism. I wasn't crushed when we realized something was not quite right in my son's development, but I was crushed that once again I would not be able to go to work or even school. I know I know that seems selfish, but there's nothing wrong with wanting more in my life. My days are bland and my afternoons are crazy and my week is therapy filled. Most of the time my son's speech therapist turns into my personal therapist. I don't think she minds though.
                 Having someone to talk to is not enough though, I need action. I need to do something to feel accomplished. So, I was thinking of looking for a job while the kids are in school, I can earn a little something and be around adults for a few hours a day. But seriously, who would hire me Monday - Thursday from 10:30AM to 2:30PM? That's only 4 hours a day 4 days a week. I wouldn't hire me with that kind of schedule demand. I joked with my husband about getting me a job at the construction company he works for to which he replied, "No way!" Ha! Even he thinks I'm unemployable. It was a joke, but it still made me think. Will I ever be able to work and earn more than $9.00 per hour? (I'm not knocking $9.00, but at 30 I thought I'd at least be worth $10).
                 What to do? What to do? My mother told me this morning "Give it time honey, it just takes time" I said, "I don't have time! I'm already a quarter through my life, and at this rate, I'm going to reach 90, finally hit the lottery, have 30 seconds of happiness, and then all the excitement will give me a heart attack and I'll die!" This is what I have to look forward to? Eff that! I'm not waiting until I'm 90 to start playing the lottery, I'm going to start playing now! Anyone have a dollar I can borrow?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Make a List

                      The weekend that I started this blog my husband and children were sleeping over at his mother's house. Everything was immaculately clean and I had nothing else to do. All the clothes were washed and put away, there wasn't a spec of dust in sight, the sink was empty, and the fridge was full. Here I am 2 days later and I have a mountain of laundry to wash, fold and hang, the sink is full of dishes, a blanket of dust seems to have appeared overnight giving the furniture a dead gray hue, and I had no 2% milk for my coffee this morning. We're only supposed to drink the skim and leave the 2% for my coffee. And now we're having sandwiches or oodles of noodles for dinner since they've eaten everything in the fridge and pantry.
                  As I sit here and drink my odd tasting coffee I acknowledge all I have to do today. And instead of starting any of it, here I sit typing away about nothing at all. I'm a procrastinator. It's something I excel at. Hopefully the coffee will give me the jolt I need to get going soon. Until then I'll just keep writing about nonsense.
                  Something else that doesn't help is that I have no list of what to do today. I need a list. After I'm done with today's entry, I'll have another cup of weird coffee and make a list of my chores for today. By the time I'm done with the list I'll only have about an hour to get it all done before the kids get home from school. Thank heavens I only have to make sandwiches. I usually make my list the day before, listing everything from bills that must be paid, phone calls to make, errands, and household chores. But I didn't make a list for today. Without a list then nothing will get done and our entire world will collapse. If a surprise task is presented before me, it will be met by the burly bouncer dude in my head (in my mind he wears a tight yellow shirt and an ear piece) and he'll say, "Sorry, not on the list". I'm one of those people that have made lists, lost lists, and instead of trying to accomplish what I can remember, I simply don't do any of it because I'm too busy creating a new list for the next day. I have made a shopping list, gone to the store, left the list in the car, gotten a cart full of stuff none of which includes a single item on the list. When that happened, not only was there no dog food, tooth paste, or fruit roll ups, but my budget was shot for the week and I couldn't pay the water bill until payday. See? I need a list.
                   My coffee is done and I have to get moving because my son has therapy today. But first I need to take a shower and get started on my list. Before I do that though, I need to leave a post it note in the shower to remind myself to make my list.

Monday, January 24, 2011

National Compliment Day

                        Today is National Compliment Day. I love how people need a day off of being a-holes to one another. Do we really need a special day to say something nice about our friends and loved ones to their faces? We certainly have no problem criticizing or even ridiculing someone publicly, but we need a little note on our calendar to tell us to be nice. I don't hate the idea of the day, but I can't help but to wonder, who recommended this day? Who approved it? Do calendar companies get memos from the White House?
                       Valentine's Day is almost here and I must admit, that's another one that has my eye twitching. For my kids I'll make them a little valentine and maybe even buy them a little bag of pink M&M's. I sometimes make heart shaped pancakes! I'll get real creative for them, but for the husband? Not so much. I've written poems to him and made little valentine notes when we were newlyweds and still liked each other. But now, we just give a little kiss, maybe a nice dinner, perhaps even flowers, and that's about it. I'm not a die hard anti-Valentine's Day person. I just don't get all the hype. I don't need a special day to say "I love you" to my husband. And I must admit, I'm not a romantic. Flowers die, chocolates make you fat and can cause cavities. If my husband wants to wow me on V-Day, he should just stick a wad of cash under my pillow. Then I can buy what I want. If I want to wow him, I'll just cook a great meal and wash the dishes in my underwear.
                   Personally I LOVE the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) and don't you dare forget my birthday. I love to give hubby the perfect b-day gift. No pressure to appear romantic or some such nonsense, just a little something that shows effort and thought. And since it's a b-day and not a National Holiday, there's no color scheme, no printed tee-shirts with hearts and cartoon characters that only tiny teenagers can pull off. All I have to do is go to Game Stop grab a best seller and present it. I don't even have to wrap it or get a card. No pressure for me and he gets a new toy.
                  I'd love to create a national day. My national days would be:
1) Lack of Communication Day - No communicating whatsoever. No talking, texting, emailing, phone calls, notes, memos, sign language, not even a serenade. NADA.
2) National Tell Your Boss Off and Don't Get Fired Day- You can tell your boss off and not risk losing your job that day. The day after? That's a good question.
3) Marlon Brando Impersonation Day - There's really no point in this one, but it'd be awesome to hear the Godfather everywhere you went. And of course there would be a few "Stella!!!!" screams thrown in for good measure.
4) National Glee Day -  How cool would it be to have to sing every 15 minutes through out the day? I'd love to live my life as a musical for a day. I might even attempt to dance!
                   Those are my views on national days. I like some of the lesser known holidays, but some are quite frankly ridiculous. Earth day, grandparent's day, children's day, compliment day, teacher's day, all these days should be acknowledged more than once a year. Without a little note on the calendar. Just make a point to say a something nice, make a phone call to say hello, conserve water, and to be an overall thoughtful person and you wouldn't need a special day to remind you to be a decent human being.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Homemaker Extraordinaire!

                  When someone asks me what I do, I always give the same answer. I'm a homemaker extraordinaire! That's not entirely true or untrue. I am in fact a homemaker, but there's nothing extraordinary about who I am or what I do. I cook (very well) and clean (not so well) and run the household. There's no pay, no vacation, no raises since there's no pay, and certainly no recognition of performance. Unless of course I'm not performing, then there's total recognition. And here's the kicker, I can't quit my job. My bosses, aka husband and children, would be furious and hurt. And I don't want to quit. But I wouldn't mind a few changes. Who do I talk to about that?
                 My husband is helpful around the house, so it takes some pressure off of me. Except of course he doesn't do what I do, so I usually have to finish what I'm doing and then correct what he did wrong. I've had to reload the dishwasher, I've had to reload the dishwasher with the dirty dishes he took out of the machine and put into the cabinets. I've had to rewash clothes to remove stains from color bleeds due to whites being washed with dark colors. I told my husband, "Only in this case is segregation not only acceptable, but encouraged". I've had to rearrange DVDs so the scary movies with ugly covers aren't next to the kids cartoons. Small details that can make a big impact on how smoothly things run. But hey, at least he tries.
              My eldest daughter (10) is a great help to me, but I don't want her picking up my slack. It's not fair to her at all. She does have responsibilities, like cleaning her room and bathroom, but I make sure to pay her a little something if she babysits her brother so I can use the bathroom with the door closed. $2.00 is a small price to pay for privacy. She is still in the learning stages, so now I also have an apprentice in the kitchen. It's a messy situation that will ultimately pay off later. Not only will she be able to cook real food for herself later in life, but she can help with meals when she's older and I'm burnt out. It's a win win!
              Occasionally my MIL (mother-in-law) will come by to help me around the house. It's very thoughtful of her especially since I never invite her to do so. Isn't that thoughtful of her? Not only does she fold the clothes that have piled up and have taken over my bedroom, but she makes sure to walk me through her process and gives me helpful tips on how to clean. How nice. While helping some time ago she said, "You see how when I fold the blankets the pile gets smaller and you can put them in the closet in a neat stack?" to which I replied, "I've seen a stack of folded blankets before. I have even done that myself a few times." Sarcastic I know, but she was driving me nuts as she talked to me like a child. Not a small price to pay for folded blankets. So, I excused myself to run a ton of errands since she was being so helpful. And off I went, to Starbuck's for a triple venti mocha and a book. Nutrition and literature are very important to me.
               When I returned I needed a dish towel and couldn't find any. MIL already left and I didn't feel like calling to ask where they were. So I looked around in the obvious storage spaces, kitchen drawers, the neat stack in the closet, the pantry, even in the dressers and garage. I couldn't find one. So, I grabbed the smallest bath towel I could find and used that. About a week later my husband and I moved our dusty empty fish tank into the garage. When we took the decorative curtain off the tank lo and behold, there were my missing dish towels. They were there the whole time. They were in the stand of the fish tank! Now why didn't I think to look there? MIL put the kitchen towels in the stand of a fish tank that was never used, nowhere near the kitchen, and that was dusty and nasty. Wasn't that thoughtful?
                   While thinking about all I have to do here for the husband and children, I realized that I need help. But I can't afford a maid, cook, and driver. So who would do all those things for free? Then it struck me, I need a wife.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

A Little About Me

              I am a 30 year old married mother of 3. I created this blog out of sheer boredom. While blogging is a great cure for my boredom, I'm pretty sure my writing will cause boredom in readers. So you may want to stop reading now. My blog will be about anything and everything I decide to write. I don't have one topic I'm especially passionate about as I am not passionate about anything. I may decide to type one sentence and nothing else, just a random thought. I am not trying to gain any fame, fortune, or readers. I just want to write.
              Random facts about me:
1) I am 30 and still like to watch cartoons
2) I got married at 19 and am still married 11 years later
3) I have 3 children, 10 year old daughter, 7 year old daughter, 4 year old son (son is high functioning autistic)
4) I am not in any way shape or form accomplished, fascinating, motivated, or any other things that make people interesting. I'm also not interesting.
5) I like food
6) My brother died when I was 15 (he was 17)
7) I'm Puerto Rican but don't speak Spanish
8) I'm self righteous
9) I have never been to a concert
10) I don't have a 10th one...see I told you I wasn't interesting.

            Why did I choose "One level below happiness" as a title? My mother called to ask me what "content" means. I told her, "It means satisfied, one level below happiness. I'm not happy, but I'm content." She said, "Yeah, me too." Sad I know. But it's true. I am not one of those people that believe since I'm not happy, no one must be really happy. I like to think that someone got it right, just not me. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my life, I love my children, I love my husband, I love my family, that's a lot of love. I'm just not happy. It's not a terrible thing really. I don't mind. I have moments of happiness, but that happiness that has people wanting to wake up in the morning and seize the day hasn't happened for me. Now here's the thing, I know it's my responsibility and choice to make myself happy, I just haven't done it. But I have chosen contentment.