Saturday, February 5, 2011


                         Who says differences have do be reconcilable? My husband and I are as different as night and day. Anyone that knows us knows that we fight every other day. And every other day I want to leave him. Every other day he wants to leave me. So why don't we just call it quits? Well, on the days I want to leave him he convinces me to stay and on the days he wants to leave I cook dinner. We balance each other out in a way that makes sense to us (and apparently only us). My MIL asked me once, "Why don't you two get divorced already?" to which I replied, "The bastard won't leave. I can't shake him." And we had a hearty laugh at her son's expense. But truth is, no matter how sure I am of walking out the door, I have yet to pack a single article of clothing.
                     I admit I have fears of trying to start a new life on my own, especially with 3 kids, no formal education, and no job. But it's more than that. Hubby has things that I lack and vice-versa. We both have the same core values that are very important to us, God, family first, etc. But we are so opposite on other things such as, I'm an introvert but very social, he's an introvert and antisocial, I love to dance and he doesn't, I love quality flavorful food, he puts ketchup on his ketchup. Then there are bigger differences, the ones that keep me here, I talk too much but not about feelings and he never has much to say but he's clear on his feelings about me. I love to sleep and he's an early riser, so on the weekends he gets up with the kids so I can rest. I'm very messy and he hates messes, even though he can't wash a dish to save his life, he makes sure to clean up any clutter around the house. I'm a thinker he's a doer, I think about what must be done and he actually does what has to be done. We have little characteristics that balance us out.
                  When my friends first met him I was asked the same question by all of them "How the hell did this happen?" and I explained very simply, "I love the way he loves me". When hubby's friends first met me he was asked (more than once) "How'd you land her???" his answer, "I don't know." I know that I'm not always a peach, I can be quite difficult at times. Us being so opposite doesn't help during those difficult times because it's hard for us to understand the other one. But somehow we overcome whatever difference there was or we simply ignore it, whatever works best depending on the situation.
                  We have had some major arguments during the course of our marriage and I don't think we are suddenly going to stop fighting. But fighting is part of our way. It's ugly and gritty, but then again so is life itself. Fact is that two people are going to fight so long as it doesn't get too ugly, all's fair in love and war. And in a marriage, love is war. We have to set ground rules and reach a solution with as little egotistical casualty as possible. If I am losing a battle, I go for the throat, or I strip, either way, the battle is over and I usually win. Over the course of my marriage I realized something and I don't hide it and I am not embarrassed by it. Here it is: I'd rather fight with him than have it easier with someone else. He is the father of my children, it's taken me over 10 years to break him in. I don't have the time or energy to train a new one. Plus, he's kind of cute.
                   In the most recent years I noticed that I actually like him sometimes. Who knew?! We have a very different sense of humor, so when he says something witty it cracks me up because I never see it coming. Some nights I can't stand the sound of him breathing, but I cannot sleep unless he's snoring loudly next to me. I need his sleep apnea so I can rest peacefully. Now that's what I call balance in a marriage.

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