Monday, January 2, 2012

It's Been A While

So, I haven't been on for a while. I have been working my butt off. It was a seasonal job, and now that the season is over I am once again looking for employment. One thing I learned about myself during that time is that I am much stronger than I thought. Working doesn't take a lot of strength. Keeping it all together during such a difficult time, now that takes strength. I always knew that I loved working, I guess I forgot just how much. It felt so good to be able to pay bills and get some gifts for my kids' birthdays and Christmas. It felt good providing Christmas dinner. Hell, it felt good putting gas in the car. I am addicted once again. That Latino work ethic has once again kicked in after being dormant for so long.

It has been so long since I have worked (at a paying job) that it took a while to get comfortable. I can see how women that have stayed home to raise their families can find it intimidating and even down right scary when trying to rejoin the work force. I was uneasy for a while, but it did help to have a friend working there. I think God had us reconnect as a way to help me to ease back into working. The funny thing is that as difficult as things are right now, I feel like I'm moving in the right direction. It's like, my husband getting laid off was the catalyst that got me going. I was all like "I need change, I want to work, wah wah wah" and God said "Alright already, since you're not going to do anything but whine, here's something to get you going". Did God answer my prayers by making me have to find a job? I don't know, all I do know is that the further away from my comfort zone I go, the more things fall into place. And now, my comfort zone is the last place I want to be, it's no longer that comfortable.

I have new resumes printed up, and I am ready to once again go hunting. Only this time there's a fire under my feet. My husband has decided to finally start looking for work. He was shocked when I said I too was looking. And not just looking, but applying. I said that I am going to find a sitter that can adequately take care of my son and figure out my own way. He needn't worry about anything. Because he usually doesn't, there's no reason for him to pretend to start now. I don't blame him. You see, just as he made me comfortable staying home and being a kept woman, I made him comfortable not having to make any decisions, nor has he had to take any action beyond bringing home the bacon. I have already left my comfort zone, and proved that I'm happy doing so. I honestly don't think he's that strong, that or he's very content in his zone. Either way, I don't care. All I do know and care about is the fact that I'm still going. I don't think I want to tempt God into setting loose another catalyst, nor do I need him to, I am becoming my own.