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                 I was laying down about to take a nap but then I decided to get up and be productive. Not by doing housework (don't be silly) but by typing up today's entry. Today I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps about not working. You see, I'd love to rejoin the work force. Hell, at this point I'd join the Air Force if it meant I didn't have to ask, "Do you want fries with that?" and still earn a paycheck. I know that I make contributions to the home by way of labor but I'd love to receive a few dollars at the end of the week to show something for all the hours I put in.
                   I was supposed to start working a few years ago, and then something came up. A new baby. So, I decided to put off work for another year or so and then start back. Then something else came up, Autism. I wasn't crushed when we realized something was not quite right in my son's development, but I was crushed that once again I would not be able to go to work or even school. I know I know that seems selfish, but there's nothing wrong with wanting more in my life. My days are bland and my afternoons are crazy and my week is therapy filled. Most of the time my son's speech therapist turns into my personal therapist. I don't think she minds though.
                 Having someone to talk to is not enough though, I need action. I need to do something to feel accomplished. So, I was thinking of looking for a job while the kids are in school, I can earn a little something and be around adults for a few hours a day. But seriously, who would hire me Monday - Thursday from 10:30AM to 2:30PM? That's only 4 hours a day 4 days a week. I wouldn't hire me with that kind of schedule demand. I joked with my husband about getting me a job at the construction company he works for to which he replied, "No way!" Ha! Even he thinks I'm unemployable. It was a joke, but it still made me think. Will I ever be able to work and earn more than $9.00 per hour? (I'm not knocking $9.00, but at 30 I thought I'd at least be worth $10).
                 What to do? What to do? My mother told me this morning "Give it time honey, it just takes time" I said, "I don't have time! I'm already a quarter through my life, and at this rate, I'm going to reach 90, finally hit the lottery, have 30 seconds of happiness, and then all the excitement will give me a heart attack and I'll die!" This is what I have to look forward to? Eff that! I'm not waiting until I'm 90 to start playing the lottery, I'm going to start playing now! Anyone have a dollar I can borrow?