Monday, August 19, 2013

Weekend Madness

            So, this weekend was eventful. It all started when my tribe and I were getting ready to go visit a friend and help her prepare for her daughter's 5th birthday party. She came over to help me get ready to help her. As it came my turn to get into the shower I asked her to please watch my special little guy while I bathed. She obliged and I thought I was going to be able to experience the first daytime shower in ages. I thought wrong. I was getting my groom on when I heard my son at the door. My friend distracted lasted for 30 seconds. He noticed a stack of video games that belong to his uncle and proceeded to throw them around. When gently reprimanded he throws himself into a tizzy which normally would have had me running out of the bathroom. But I couldn't because his uncle was sitting on a couch that is right by the bathroom door. So I command said uncle to close his eyes and called to my son, "Papi, mommy's right here. Come here, I'm right here". The boy came running. Rewarding bad behavior at it's finest ladies and gentlemen. Don't judge me. As we exited the bathroom once I was finally properly clothed, he comes out just happy as can be. I told his uncle and my friend, "You see, there's the difference. That's not autism, that's pain-in-the-ass-ism".
            The following day (yesterday) was the day of the party. We arrive and The Autistic Avenger is behaving wonderfully and having a lovely time. That was until someone brought a gift bag accessorized with a Mylar Balloon. I forgot to mention to anyone that balloons are his weakness, his Kryptonite if you will. He took one look at the purple and pink metallic aircraft and it was on. He darted for the table that displayed his weakness proudly upon it as I tried to keep up. I was checking bodies and I'm pretty sure I knocked down a few old people, I can't be sure though, but I was tossing out insincere "I'm sorry"s as I was trying to grab my special little guy that suddenly moved faster than the Tasmanian Devil. I do believe he morphed into a tornado at one point. I really can't be too sure as it was all a blur. My friend saw the madness unfolding before her and grabbed the Mylar temptress and freed her from her ribbon and ran her to the car for safety. Crisis averted, or so we thought. Because not 5 minutes passed (he was calm by then) when guests arrived and there were balloons in every hand! I'm starting to think the invitations said "Bring balloons". As the birthday girl's older brother came down the walkway gripping two large bunches of balloons I knew it was over. Everything began to move in slow motion, I heard the Jaws theme begin to play "da-dum, da-dum, da-dum! da-dum! da-dum!", my life flashed before my eyes and they widened in terror, I scooped up my son and said "Well, gotta go!" and ran him to the car while covering his eyes. I begged off explaining that he would not understand that the balloons are decorative and he cannot have them all. All he would think is there are balloons around and all the adults are too stupid to know they all belong to him.
             I know my friends and family felt bad that he missed the rest of the party, but to be honest, he doesn't know what a party or a birthday really is. Once in the van he hopped into his car seat ready to boogie on home. He'd had enough excitement for one day. Our presence at the party lasted for 1 hour, 7 minutes, and 23 seconds. That's a new record. Once we got home he grabbed a snack of oatmeal and bananas, turned on Mickey Mouse Club House, propped his feet up on the table, smiled at me and patted the seat next to him gesturing for me to join him. I did. I kissed his head, he shooed me away as to say "Now I didn't say all that lady, just sit there and look pretty". We watched cartoons until I began to doze off, at which point I'm pretty sure I heard my non-verbal son say, "Yes Mommy, you look's a good thing I brought you home for a nap".

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