Today is the first day of school. It is also (incidentally) the first day of my mental recovery. This summer was by far the most difficult summer I've ever had. You see, the past summers I usually had my girls doing some sort of activity. I couldn't do that this summer due to A) lack of funds, B) my son's therapies and C) my treatment plan for my newly diagnosed Psoriatic Arthritis (arthritis coupled with psoriasis). I have been pulled in so many directions I feel like an overstretched Stretch Armstrong toy (if you don't know what that is Google it so you can get my joke).
Now that I have my days free I have some plans. Today is clean up day. If I get one dish cleaned then I will count is as a goal reached. I have much organizing to do since over the last couple of months mountains of papers and unopened mail have piled up all over the house including two overflowing laundry baskets. I can now adjust my budget to not include lunches for the kids since they will eat in school which also means I can finally get a new pair of sneakers. I will need said sneakers since I am setting a goal of losing 30lbs. I have other plans to make for my free time, but for now that's all I can think of. Oh, another goal is to kick the stupid cigarettes. I have cut down from a pack a day to less than half and I hope to be done with them by the end of the week. I will miss my cancerous habit but there is nothing good about it and being able to breathe sounds fun.
The only down side here is that I'm used to taking care of the kids all day, at least one of them. But now my son is in school full time so I have 8 hours to kill each and every day. And while typing that last sentence put a grin on my face, I am one of those moms that is used to chaos. After my children left for school I asked myself "Oh sh*t, who am I going to take care of?" Um, how about me??? There's a thought! I can take care of me for a change. While I have done many things to take care of myself over the last year, I had to stop during the summer. I didn't think getting back into the swing of things would affect me so. I was fine getting up early to get the kids ready for school. But the thought of doing something for myself left me confused. Where do I begin again? What did I do last year? Should I shower first? What if I showered, then cleaned, got dirty, and had to shower again? I'd be wasting water! I can't waste water! No, I must clean first then shower. All these thoughts ran through my head in a nanosecond.
I told the voices in my head to settle down. Don't worry, I'm not crazy. The voices don't tell me to do anything crazy. In fact, the voices usually convince me to do nothing at all. Okay, maybe I'm a little crazy. Maybe the voices in my head are like a residual haunting. I heard the kids yapping all summer long, so the sounds play over and over again in my head. That makes sense right? All I know is, this is the first time I've had complete silence in over 2 months. Ahh...so peaceful. I'm going to finish my coffee and get to cleaning. I won't have to keep an eye on the clock because I know I still have over half the day left, so there will be plenty of time for that shower.
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